And then I read this:

Any transition serious enough to alter your definition of self will require not just small adjustments in your way of living and thinking but a full-on metamorphosis. -Martha Beck

This is my metamorphosis.  I am altering my definition of self.  I have to become.... I was going to say a butterfly, but does a moth know what it will become?  I don't.  I don't know but I know that I will become....