Break from the rehash...

It's exciting to me that my life is such a paradox.  Here I am starting to trudge through heavy emotional stuff and along side it I am experiencing some of the best, most beautiful things yet.  Yesterday, I was riding to work from ballroom rehearsal and I was thinking, as usual.  I have just started rehearsing with Dale, my partner.  And he's very easy to get along with and puts me right at ease.  But man he can plow through a rehearsal.  Twice a week I'm sweating my ass off to the samba, rumba, cha cha, jive in high heels and three hours go by with no break.  He's tireless.  Yesterday, after working on a routine he created for a showcase (a Paso Doble... oooohhh sounds so cool) he looked at me and said "do you want to grab a cup of coffee?"  I think I dropped my jaw and just stared at him and then followed him in my cut off sweats and sparkly heels to the IHOP next door and we spent an hour, well drinking water and OJ because frankly, coffee sounded aweful in the 90 something heat.  He chatted and started asking me questions, what are my hobbies, where's my family.  After an hour of "bonding" we went back to the studio and rehearsed till my feet fell off.  But on my way to work I thought, I am so lucky, so very lucky.  I have so many forms of friendship and love and connection in my life.  I worried that I would want for a relationship and never be satisified.  I worried that I would never have a family... these two things being my first and deepest wounds, a turbulent conditional family and cheating abusive lovers..oh and my spiritual disillusionment.  And here I am with all my needs met.  I have my best friend that I have never been closer to. I have an absolute gaggle of men that I work with that swing between father's brother's and safe guys to flirt with (and a few not safe to flirt with that I run from, ha ha).  I have a family living in the house in front of me that I have morning coffee with, walk their dog (or at least talk about walking thier dog) and play with their baby.  The man of the house fixes my computer and motorcycle issues.  and now I have found a friend and sponsor in J.  I have no need for a romance, not that a desire is gone, but it is in the background with my desire for a Prius and just one pair of Manolo's.  I have never felt so full.  AND, at my worst days I remember that no matter where I go, the gaps have all been filled, always.  So even if my little mini makeshift families here disperse, I find more and deeply satisfying conversation and connection.  That's a huge load off of me.  Oh and then there's the higher power, I have a God again.  He's not clearly defined, but he doesn't have to be.  I believe in a God and now I am no longer an orphan.