But, I am. And that's important. I figured since a plan of eating and abstainence are important, other plans are important too. I haven't made time for meetings so this morning I took out my calender and internet and found meetings for every day this week and weekend until I leave for Niagra Falls. I found multiple meetings each day because my schedule is busy. I'm not going to lie... 7:30am meetings in Santa Monica sounds daunting to me. But I need a plan and I need a schedule and I need meetings.
I also need a workout plan. It can be like my food plan, flexible, but I need it because I don't know what's normal and I freak out and I just want to get better. My legs constantly hurt and nothing is improving physically so it's like I'm spinning my wheels. I guess I have been out of control in more areas than one.
And yes I contacted people other than J today. I am taking this seriously even though, often, I don't want to do it. I resent being "messed up". I resent being one of these people. I resent needing other people and writing endless blogs about how upset I am or how fat I feel. I hate that I am here. But I am learning day by day, that I am, actually powerless and that my life had become unmanageable.
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